Twitter Thread #5: Motherhood and Agency

I wonder what men would be like in a world where we told them agency and initiative was not what they were good at and where we expected it much more of women

Would men be like “oh thank god” and gratefully accept the lower demands of that paradigm

There are some who think we’re there already and if so I think the second tweet is largely true

Everyone likes the path of least resistance for its short term rewards but I really don’t think it produces good outcomes long term

Anyway there are some critiques of feminism (from inside and outside the house) focused on the fact that demanding women be perfect caregivers as well as career people is not a realistic expectation

And some that focus on wanting less responsibility using the same data points

This is also a Barbie related thought - one of them talks about the men being in charge as a spa day for her brain, and I think that lowered expectation has very real appeal for a lot of people

It’s just not like good for you anymore than eating only cake is good for you

Anyway I’m annoyed that more conservative perspectives discourage female responsibility and strength and I’m annoyed at a long-present sense that female competence is at best neutral and often negative for men specifically

And to the extent that those perspectives recognize female competence/responsibility they tend to focus on the irrational and emotional reasons women make good spouses or parents

Rather than recognizing either of those as thoughtfully cultivated, valuable skill sets

Complaints that progressives condescend to stay at home moms have always rung hollow to me because it’s rare for people saying those things to have a model of good moms that believes women actively choose to be good moms, it doesn’t assign enough agency to women for that

A common right of center model doesn’t think women can know what they want well enough for the choice to be a sahm to have any weight, there’s this vibe that women are good mothers by accident of their biology, that women must be tricked into it

There is no agency in this read

Idk I’m disappointed that “come turn off your brain and be accidentally desirable” is an appealing message to give or receive

I’m annoyed that the competence and self determination of chosen motherhood is unappreciated by just about everyone

Team “being a stay at home mom is boring and stifling” vs team “being a stay at home mom is a biological inevitability in a healthy world” like it sounds like everyone agrees that moms don’t use their brains, actually, on what grounds are we pointing fingers at the left alone

Idk there is no narrative of female skills as intentional and therefore worthy of respect and as long as that’s true motherhood will not be respected in any meaningful way